The Flower Girl

Today has been quite eventful. I got up and made breakfast for a couple of my current hosts at the Tannery. We drove to the farmers' market and met "Bill the bulb baron", a man who has a flower farm just outside the city. He agreed to let me peddle flowers and work on his farm when he has space. He was going to put me to work this afternoon, but already had several pairs of eager hands at his service. He reminded me of my old boss (the positive aspects of him anyhow) in a way.. it was a little weird.

We then drove up to meet Glenys, a woman whose elderly father has a place with two spare rooms not too far from downtown. I've been trying to find a sublet here in Santa Cruz for February for a couple weeks now - the rent here is generally obscene and it was looking as though I wouldn't manage to get anything for less than $700/month. I was discouraged until I met Glenys and her dad. The place is mine. I pick the key up on Saturday. $350/month, everything included. In case you don't know rent prices in California, that my friends, is a friggin' sweet deal.

So, I'm here for another month. With my own space. With some work. Outdoor work. I have most assuredly scored.

I worry about life back home. I think about the seclusion that comes with the snow and the cold and how it can drive you mad sometimes. I almost feel bad sometimes talking about the fullness of my heart, the warm air, my ocean visits and the relationship I've formed with the world at large. I wish I could put it all in an envelope and send some home. I wish, I wish.

The Vortex

All week people have been warning me about "the vortex" that is Santa Cruz. People get stuck here. I'm beginning to see why. My week of experiences here has given me a new outlook on everything. I find myself coming out of a shell that I didn't know I was in for the most part. It feels good. It feels weird. I want to know what's on the other side of myself.

I had a plan the other day to "introspect". I took a walk to a local cafe in the sun with a notebook and pen and nothing came. I sat and tried to go inside my heart and my mind and figure out where the thoughts and feelings fit into the desire of my soul. Nothing. It was just so beautiful outside. The coffee was delicious. I was just "being". Holy s*&t - I'm just being! The soul doesn't require action on my part. Action is secondary. I'm finally beginning to get it.

Overcome

My travels find me in Santa Cruz, California at the moment. Beautiful weather, beautiful people, I love this town. It still hasn't hit me that I'm on "vacation" per se, I suppose partially because I'm staying with locals, doing local type things; weeding through clothes at the thrift store, grocery shopping, long walks and all of that. I'm pretty overwhelmed and unsure of how to describe my feelings. I feel "full" here, it that makes any kind of sense. Full seems like the right word right now. I met Dustin, my youtube friend a couple days ago, however because of complications with his living situation, we've been staying with his best friend, Kai. They're both amazing people, I couldn't have dreamed of better tour guides, or just people to hang with. It's gonna be tough to leave here.

Hasn't Hit Me Yet

Woooooah. Sunday again. What did I say about Sundays? I have a wee hangover after a birthday/going away party last night. It was fun. It was worth it. Totally. I saw a friend I haven't seen in many years - really cool and kinda weird. I started to get a little choked up when some people were leaving, finally coming to the realization that I may not see them again for a long time... then again, maybe I will. I guess that really sums up the point of the trip I'm taking: not knowing. There is something so wonderfully frightening and exciting about not knowing.

I think many of us spend our lives with a distinct plan in mind. When "things don't go as planned" people get upset, angry, confused. I've spent my life that way, really. At 28 years old, I'm finally in a place where it's OK to not know, it's exciting. Don't get me wrong, it also scares the living bejeesus outta me, but that's OK too.

I'm starting to miss people I haven't left yet. "Daniel"... I miss him already, despite our ups and downs and disagreements, he's my very favorite scrabble partner, lover, friend. Regardless of what happens I hope he is always my friend above all. Damn, I get all teary even writing it. Jenny of course, my god she's amazing. My friend of nearly 10 years who knows me better than almost anyone. She carries such a beautiful air about her, I hope I can carry it with me all over the world.

I'm supposed to have dinner with Jen and her sisters and their "partners" as well as "Daniel" on Tuesday evening. I hope I don't cry to much. But hey, what better company to cry with than the people that you love?