Last night, during a midnight cigarette outside looking at the stars - much more clear here than in the big city, I started to think about the little things. When I denounced most of my material possessions and stuffed some clothes in a backpack, it never occurred to me that I would miss any of it - it was useless, junk, meaningless. Then I thought of something I'm fond of saying to other people: "you have to find balance.".
I miss using Tom's old time-y stove top percolator with fake petrolium bi-product cream. I imagined the taste of it... oh how many glorious mornings I began by grinding coffee and brewing a pot so strong it looked like tar. I miss having art supplies around. Of course, I got rid of all that stuff when I left, but it's taught me something very important; I need more than a pen and paper to feel creative. I need to make things, big crazy things with colour, I need to transform things with my imagination. I now have a much clearer idea of what makes me happy. Baths, candles, heart to hearts. Not the snow though. I'm perfectly content with the sunshine, thank you very much.
This trip has been very trans-formative in many ways, but has also reminded me of the things I left behind. The little things that having a "home" affords you. Here, I got over my fear of riding bicycles in traffic, I ride nearly every day now. I've gained an immense appreciation for hugs and showing affection for the people you feel connected to - really, why the hell wouldn't you want to? Why didn't I? I've expanded my knowledge of Mexican food and drink, surfing, flowers, music, card games and organic produce. I understand real community in a much broader sense than I ever did before and it all feels so amazing an fulfilling, yet I still miss my silly computer. I'll be hopping onto the balance beam again soon and this time, I'm not worried.